Travers, Alberta — Donny Carperson is just about the best estimator a shop could ask for—he’s honest, thorough, and can predict just about anything—and it became a problem for his former co-workers.
“Yeah, Donny was great when he first joined the team,” said general manager of Crash’n’Dash Collision, Bodhi Shopman.
“He always came in right on time, got along really well with the painters and the technicians.”
It wasn’t long after Donny had gotten his first taste of praise from his boss that the mood around the shop began to sour.
“Things had been going well by the end of his first year, so we figured we could afford to give him a raise. It was only like a two percent bump—it went straight to his head,” said Shopman.
It started with wearing sunglasses indoors. Before long, Donny was draped in a head-to-toe fur cape that one of the techs described as making him look “like King Louis’ unhinged cousin” (which, given history, must be pretty nutty).
“He suddenly thought that he had some sort of divinely ordained gift to estimate things,” said a painter.
Around the end of his time at Crash’n’Dash, Donny could most often be seen sitting in his office, which he had renovated to look like a gothic cathedral, in a trance-like state, mumbling part numbers and costs to himself.
“I swear I once saw him look at an old man sitting on a bench and just say, ‘June 14’ and nothing else. That moment haunts me,” said Crash’n’Dash’s receptionist.
When Shopman finally gave Donny the news that they had to let him go, Donny simply responded, “I knew this day would come” and hopped on a passing train.
Some say, if you listen closely to the Crash’n’Dash staff while they’re planning a group lunch, you can still hear a whisper of Donny’s voice correcting them on how to split the bill and how much the tip should be.
Happy April Fool’s Day from Collision Repair mag.
